3 reasons why you should travel soon after the bastard breaks your heart.
The enemy here is anything or anyone that robs you of your joy, inner peace and power. Sometimes that can be a toxic partner or ex, a painful break up, an abusive boss, a secretly jealous friend or perhaps even a self limiting belief you hold about yourself consciously or unconsciously. Basically any person, situation, or thought form that hinders your growth or causes you pain. For the sake of this article I am going to focus on travel as a way to get over the jerk who broke your heart, and how you can quickly and fabulously thrive like the beautiful powerful goddess you are meant to be. If this resonates with you, then its time to get off the couch, put down the ice cream, and don’t even think about checking your phone for the hundredth time to see if the bastard texted, or worse spy on his Instagram! Oh and By the way your bestie is sick of hearing about it, plus she has her own jerk to deal with, and Since we are on the “stop the self torture” topic, need I ask you to spare your poor mom too? She can’t relate to the insanity of 21st century dating, and God bless her how can she? She grew up in a world untouched by the modern weapons of mass separation like Swiping, Tindering, Facebooking, Snapchatting, and lets not forget the best ones: Ghosting and Blocking. Omg what?!! Weapons of who?? Sit tight sister, this is going to be fabulous! I know by now some of you ladies reading this are thinking “um… excuse me? how dare you talk to me this way! My mom and bestie are fine and so is my boyfriend thank you very much!” Hey that is ok Miss perfect, we love you nonetheless. Please do us all a favor and share this article with your heart broken friend. Yes the one who fell off the face of the earth this summer or last Chirstmas. The one who has been acting “weird”or avoiding you all together, because being around anyone right now literally brings her to tears. Have some compassion for those less fortunate than you Miss “Thank God I am not single”! Don’t lecture or judge, it is very helpful to the rest of us and good Karma for you. Understand that your now “single again” friend is not crazy, she has not abandoned you or replaced you. Your lovely precious friend, has been crushed, traumatized, shaken to her core and needs to heal. She cant carry on as usual or hear about you and yours, because the jerk just crushed her and bailed on her without any explanation, as if they never shared anything or meant anything to one another. Just poof up in smoke like a Genie, and if you think this sounds crazy then you are one of the lucky ones, because let me tell you this has become the norm for so many of us today. Also miss “thank god it wasn’t me”, please refrain from telling her this kind of silly nonsense in the hopes of comforting her. “Oh I am sure he will call sweetie” or “you know guys just shut down when they’re stressed, they cant handle things like we do” or “Oh I am sure he misses you” or “He must be kicking himself in the pants by now” etc… Blah blah and so forth. Oh yeah sure, poor babies (insert eye roll followed by puking sound effect). Listen I am not saying that none of these are valid possibilities, all I am saying is I don’t care what the “issue” is and making up silly excuses like the ones I listed above can not only give the wounded false hope, but It will in most cases prolong their suffering. If a guy can bring himself to end things with you unilaterally and without warning, explanation, or any sense of responsibility towards you, then he is a total waste and deserves not an ounce of your precious energy. “But Hanane, not every guy ends a relationship badly, there are decent guys who do have the “talk”, then part ways with consideration and respect for the woman they were involved with” yes I understand, but that unfortunately is not the norm today in fact far from it. I concluded this based on my own personal experience, studies done by experts in the area of human relationships in recent years, and the countless stories of clients I coach on a daily basis. Something has shifted in society ladies! Most people surveyed on the subject of relationships today will tell you that sanity, decency and most importantly empathy are on the decline! I am not sure why this is, I am not a sociologist but what I am learning from clients, other relationship advisors, coaches and even therapists, is that the dynamic of romantic relationships has changed dramatically and rapidly in recent years. Never has there been a time in history where men and women were so disconnected! I really hope to see more studies in this area, we need to figure out how the heck the very fabric of human relationships, romantic or not has deteriorated so fast. On an individual level, as powerful beautiful goddesses, we need to be aware of these dynamics, learn what we can and thrive with or without a partner! Simply adapting to survive is not the goal nor is it enough for most people I coach. In this article, I share with you one of the most powerful ways for a woman to heal emotional wounds, and accelerate her recovery and it is called TRAVEL. “Are you serious Hanane? what? All this talk to tell us about travel?” Yes I am dead serious! Travel is so undervalued, women are still to this day discouraged and even criticized for traveling alone, by family, friends and partners! “its not safe out there” “Oh you should avoid going there alone” blah blah blah…Be afraid, be VERY afraid muah hahahaha. Seriously? How many guys do you know have to hear this nonsense when they announce their travel plans? Here is a fact to bring up next time one of these travel blockers tries to put a damper on your plans: Solo female travel is on the rise! Thats right, despite the negative cultural and societal conditioning around female freedoms, we are flying and sailing more than ever before ladies! I always wondered why this seemingly male dominated world, or at least that is what they want us to believe, is SO afraid of women traveling by themselves? What are they so afraid a woman might discover? hmmmm… I wonder. I mean God forbid we may A- Become fiercely independent because traveling abroad solo definitely does that to a woman! B- Enjoy ourselves so much that we decide to do it often. C- Discover there are much better places to live which means we could move there… oh no! Or D- Our tolerance for crap diminishes substantially, so we may just decide to jump on a plane if a man keeps giving us crap or makes our life unpleasant in any way. Oh we wouldn’t want that now do we!!! No way, we want her to stay and put up with our crap! I am sure there are other reasons I have not listed here, but the great news is 32 million American women last year did not care and traveled alone anyway. I expect that number to increase this year and according to the George Washington University School of Business, nearly two thirds of today’s travelers are women! Solo Female travel made the headlines recently on the Forbes Magazine and Conde Nast Traveler. What this means Ladies is you are not alone, you are more powerful, more capable, more adventurous than ever before and you are much less likely to stay home and mope around after an unfortunate event! For the guys out there, this means you better straighten up your act quick, learn some standards dude or we are gone see ya! Instead of looking for Paul’s apology text or Jason’s too late love declaration, she is looking for her next retreat somewhere away from you.
Mountains, Tropical beaches, island hopping, Safaris, exotic markets, carnivals, trendy city lounges, what calls your heart today? Do it sister! There is something for every taste every budget now more than ever before, you don’t have to be a millionaire to spoil your precious self and indulge for a few days away from the drama once, twice or as many times as your can in a year. How many places can you visit in two years? Imagine that? Where will your fancy take you?
- Instant Upliftment: Planning a trip shifts your focus and dramatically improves your mood.
The fun and the amazing uplifting effects of any trip, begin before you even set foot in your destination. The most exciting part of a retreat is the planning process, because whether we realize it or not, we are actually MENTALLY transported to our destination and visually experiencing it. While checking out photos of hotels, cities and cites of interest, the relief we feel leaves very little room for negative thought forms. Thanks to a plethora of travel sites, blogs, discussion groups, and social media platforms the choices are endless and so are the deals! This is not only exciting but actually empowering as well, because taking charge of your own planning requires a little travel window shopping and puts you completely in control. Only You get to decide based on where your heart, your fancy, your time and wallet meet! You also expand your knowledge of the world, thanks to some research, curiosity, flexibility, lots of browsing, and site locating on certain apps such as google earth which can make anyone a geography expert! Basically planning a trip in and off it self is a break from your hopefully temporary heartache, and even if you don’t book anything after an hour of browsing, it is still a great learning experience. Reading about countries, looking up locations visualizing yourself at the very least will raise your vibration as I like to tell my clients. There is a good reason why more women today are traveling solo. We are finding more satisfaction and personal growth in that travel than in most relationships in the modern world.
- Traveling alone sooner makes you appreciate life without the burdens or limitations of the EX.
For those who are or were in long term relationships with a difficult partner, this can be particularly liberating! Not having to worry about what the other person might prefer, or complain about not to mention the cost is more manageable for one vs two . How sweet is the freedom of not having to avoid certain countries, places, food, hotel or anything else because of someone else. Experiencing a culture, a country or breathtaking vista through your lenses only, not someone else’s is one of the most priceless things on earth. It is your experience alone to cherish and behold in whatever way you decide, uninfluenced by the other who may not necessarily experience it the same way you do. I am so glad for example, that one Ex broke up with me a week before we were supposed to go to Mexico together for my birthday. He kept delaying it for days until I finally learned he never had any intentions to actually do so. He was all talk and I am all action, so I booked a great deal for a later date when the prices were more within my reach. I was already relieved I did not have to travel with such a high maintenance, uptight Debbie whiner of a guy, but when I got there I was even more glad I went alone. While in Cabo I did so many things that simply would not have been possible with him around, I rented a car and drove away from the tourist area to experience authentic Mexican culture and visit amazing secluded beaches. I will never forget the most gorgeous Baja California sunset, because I got to see it in a different beach every day I was there! That is another reason to travel Solo girls, we are great planners!!! My ex’s plan was to get an all inclusive package for 5 days, stay in the hotel, eat there, sunbathe, walk around the tourist trap, wake up in the morning and repeat! He NEVER would have agreed to get into a car and just explore the surrounding areas. Mexico I discovered was lovely, safe and rich in natural beauty and culture. I plan to go again for New Years solo!!!
- Travel frees your soul… literally!
When I coach my clients who are in the midst of a difficult situation or just experienced a break up, I always emphasize the importance of movement. Physical activity is a big part of healing, and I don’t mean simply exercising or going to the gym. What I am referring to is a movement of energy as well, stagnant thoughts, painful memories need to be literally moved and flushed out of our system. Our life force energy aka Chi Or Prana, needs movement in order to facilitate the emotional healing process. A body on the move is a body that holds no pain. Pain simply does not linger in the same way when you are on the move. Let me be clear here, by “on the move” I do not mean running away from your problems or suppressing your feelings of grief. You will process these feelings much better and more thoroughly once you have gained perspective, and being on the move from my experience has been the most powerful healing tool of all.
Namaste my beautiful, brave, nomadic goddesses!